It’s finally May! It felt like April would never end and with it the rain and snow and grey skies. But now it is May. It finally feels like spring. Flowers are popping up, leaves are coming out. The sun is making me feel a whole lot better.
And I am ready to take some steps in a new direction.
For seven weeks we have been learning to live in a 2-meter distance world. And for six weeks I have been learning to do that alone, without a partner or a family with me. Before anyone gets upset, yes, I have had my children with me about half of the days, but it isn’t the same as being with them every day.
My journey of learning to live in a pandemic has mirrored learning to live without the comforts of my home and marriage. Both have been gut-wrenching. Both have, at times, left me feeling like someone has torn my heart out. In both I have worked through feelings of lonliness and isolation and I have learned to navigate new rhythms in my life. I have learned how to shop once a week, and I have learned how to shop for one. And somewhere in the last week or so I have begun to feel like I am not trapped, like I can do this and like there are parts of this new life I don’t want to lose.
So with all that in mind, I am ready to move ahead. Over the coming days – let’s say forty-five days since it fits with the title of this blog – I am going to explore some beliefs I have and challenge myself to shift those beliefs. I am going to step out and try new things, knowing that I will likely be doing it in a world where we still must socially isolate. I want to renew my mind and my heart, to open both to the possibility that there is still good in this world, that love is still possible and that I am not as broken as I believe I am.
I hope you will join me on this path. I hope as I explore my own thoughts, feelings and beliefs that there will be something that helps you know you are not alone. This series is a little different from my others. This one is for me. This is the one I am writing for me but I wholeheartedly invite you to peer into my heart and mind as I do. Because I know I can’t be the only one feeling what I am feeling.
As we move forward, may we all stay healthy, stay home, reach out and be well.