The Voice in my Head says…

…you’re going to fail, so why try. It also says things like, “Who are you to be successful?” and “If you do that and you succeed, it will change who you are and people will think you believe you are better than them.”

Do you have a voice like this? This is that inner critical voice that tries to sabotage our success.

I am on a journey to improve my life, to live my dreams and to treat my body, mind and spirit with the care they deserve. It is not easy. I am slowly changing the things I put into my body (slowly…like it is hardly noticeable to most people), changing the way I talk to myself and think about where I have been and where I am going, and I am trying to put spiritual practices in place that will support both a healthy body and a healthy mind as well as the relationships that matter to me.

So why is it so hard? I believe it is more than just because I lack willpower. There is a part of me that doesn’t like change. Dr. Nicole LePera calls this part the ego, and she says the ego hates change and will do everything it can to convince us that change is bad for us or that we can’t do it so why try?

I am doing a lot of personal work right now, processing some old wounds and learning new ways of communicating which will support my growth. Through this time, there have been really good things happening, yet, that voice doesn’t want me to change.

On Friday I met with my surgical oncologist, the one who removed Tina, my bone tumour. He told me that they got all of the tumour. He told me that the tumour was mostly benign and the parts that weren’t were non-aggressive. He told me that as far as he is concerned, I am cured. I will need to follow up annually but this is good news. In fact, it is the best news I could have received.

I asked about being physically active and while there are a few restrictions (no kickboxing, no running on ice, no skating or skiing) I can start to resume whatever physical activity feels good. My inner voice popped in to tell me that there is no point getting back into yoga because I have limited range of motion right now (But I can modify as needed), and there won’t be any point running because once the snow and ice melt there won’t be enough time to train for a run (But I have a treadmill and, really, training for a run is not the only reason to start running).

When your inner voice starts to speak, what do you tell it? I find myself using mantras or affirmations to remind myself that I am worth caring for. I am worth risking failure for. I deserve success and happiness. I deserve to be healthy and mentally well. When my inner critic tells me this is too hard, I remind her that I can do hard things.

If you are struggling with an inner critic, I encourage you to start speaking to yourself as you would a best friend or a beloved child. I want you to know, I see you. You matter. You can do it. You deserve to find success.

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